.July 16, 2005 ' 21:10 Y
its now july. that friday of the june bank holiday weekend, to be precise. the stars heve never looked so bright. i'm sitting at my bedroom window, staring up at the dazzling display, and i'm thinking about what happend to me that june holidays.
what a different person i, siti khairiah, was then. remembering hurts my brain tries to locate exactly where the pain is, but soon gives up because i hurt all over.
i'm fed up of being a grown-up and mature about my life. i want to be a child again- a six year old girl who's fallen off her bicycle. i want to screw my face up, scream loudly and run wailing into the kitchen where my mum would gather me up tight in her arms and kiss the scrape on my knee making me feel better. then i'd stop crying and sip chocolate milk until the pain eased.
thats one thing about growing up people dont tell you- dealing with the sort of pain that cant be kissed away.
all sorts of things happen in life. its all so confusing and all so hurting. i wish to turn back time and stop right where i wanted it to be. but too bad. as it is all a fantasy, a dream. dreams come true for some people. but for some, it'll turn to nightmares. look at the brightside of life. but what if the lights in the brightside had gone out? what if they forgot to change the light bulb? what if you cant find the lighter to light up the candle? is there one in the first place when you feel so screwed? when you feel so lost? when you feel as if you're missing somone so much? when you feel that you've done something wrong? when all of it happened and ended within a blink.
you made me feel alright for once in my life. but now what is left of me is what i pretend to be. swollow me and spit me out for hating you i blame myself. you make me feel so protected. you made me feel so warm. seeing you smile had made me feel happy. seeing you cry just made my heart shatter and now i'm seeing you leave without even saying goodbye. you made me feel like a fool. its ok.. i'll be ok. i opened my eyes and i tried to see when i'm blind. i cant stand the pain i cant make it go away. i tried to go on like i never knew you. but without you all i'm going to be is incomplete. oh my dear boy, if i know this is how it's going to turn out, i should'nt have fallen for you. i should'nt have told you so. it'll be easier for me if you want to let go. and now i leave you with words of goodbye but yet holding on to you, waiting for our memories to fade away. with lots of love.
-the colour of my love..i'll paint my moon in shades of blue,paint my soul to be with you.i'll sketch your lips in shaded tone,draw your lips to my own.i'll draw your arms around my waist,then all doubt i shall erase.i'll trace a hand to wipe your tears,a mood to calm your fears.a silhouette of dark and light,while we hold each other so tight.i'll paint the sun to warm you heart,swearing that we'll never part.i'll paint the truth show how i feel,try o make you completely real.i'll use a brush so light and fine,to draw you close and make you mine.i'll offer what you cannot buy,a devoted love until we die..as i dedicate this poem to
you.<3 and as you.<3>will have a happy ending
SITY KAY!